Recognising when someone you know is going through a difficult time can be really hard – especially when they’re hiding how they’re feeling.
And Shelley Robinson says she was determined to keep up a front at work while facing her own mental health battle around six years ago. However, after she did ask for help and started opening up about what she’d been going through, she says the difference it made to her was huge. And that’s all thanks to your donations.
Shelley, 37, a firefighter with London Fire Brigade, has since received our support twice – all thanks to your kind-hearted donations – and says it helped her recognise the importance of looking after herself.
“Around six years ago, I had a lot going on in my personal life,” says Shelley. “My nan was dying in hospital and my mum had a breakdown because of that… I had a few things going on myself too and rather than seek support I put up a front.
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“I internalised it all and withdrew. It was easy for me to put on a front at work and keep going, without taking the time off I really needed.
“I was having night terrors four, five, six a night, so I wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t going out the house because of huge anxiety and exhaustion – I was ordering takeaways or going into quiet corner shops and petrol stations just so I could get food away from places were there would be lots of people.”
When Shelley realised it was getting out of hand – to the point she says she no longer felt safe – she found the courage to speak to a friend who was a Station Commander at the time, and it’s the best thing she could have done.
“He wouldn’t allow me back on the run and got me the help I needed,” says Shelley. “He took it out of my hands. I knew things weren’t right but I hadn’t even considered taking time off. Telling someone else helps you see that and he helped me take the first step in getting my life back.
“He recommended I get in touch with you, so I did.”
After speaking to our Assessment Practitioner team, Shelley was offered a residential stay at Marine Court, our centre in Littlehampton, for a programme that addressed her overall health and wellbeing – including group sessions and workshops on everything from stress management to nutrition, sleep and more.
“At first, I found the group side of it was too much for me,” says Shelley. “I’d gone from not being able to be around people, barely leaving my house, to suddenly being in a group environment from breakfast through to dinner.
“One of the physiotherapists noticed I seemed to be struggling and invited me for a chat. I explained that I felt overwhelmed and he told me that I didn’t need to attend every session and that I could do what worked for me.
“He said that I didn’t need to force myself to stay in situations that made me uncomfortable and I could either not attend or walk out at anytime. Just by him taking the time to listen and telling me that, it took the pressure away and I suddenly felt able to be in those group situations. I think he helped me feel like I had some control back, and that was enough, alongside the therapy sessions I had, for me to get the most out of the rest of my time at Marine Court and it really was a turning point for me. Almost overnight my mood lifted and my mindset began to change, I was getting ‘me’ back.
She adds: “I took the coping strategies that they taught me home with me. Because I’d become more open with other people, I saw other people also feeling comfortable opening up, and that made me feel better – knowing I wasn’t alone.
“It made me feel that, ‘actually it’s normal to not be okay after everything I’ve been through’. I realised lots of people struggle with things and life isn’t easy.”
Shelley returned to work shortly after the stay and felt more in control and healthier and happier from then on.
It wasn’t until 2021 when she reached out to us again – this time following a difficult experience with Covid-19.
“Initially I had bad symptoms like the flu and breathing problems, but then it actually affected my lymphatic system – meaning it went into overdrive, so my lymph nodes and tonsils swelled up,” says Shelley.
“They tried antibiotics and anti-inflammatories, none of which worked, so they then put me in hospital for an urgent tonsillectomy.
“While recovering from that, still with the Long Covid symptoms, I had a very serious post-op infection which was not far away from sepsis. I had a massive post-op bleed which meant I was rushed to A&E and I had to stay in over Christmas.
“Suddenly I was stuck in isolating while recovering from post-Covid symptoms, the operation, the infection, the bleed, while not able to see anyone… it was really hard to be honest. I think I isolated for nearly two months, completely, which was very tough. It got really lonely.”
Shelley, having heard about our Covid Recovery Programme, reached out to us to see if she could receive some support.
“I was invited onto the programme at Marine Court at the end of January. It was really nice to be around people that understood,” she says.
“There were times I almost felt like a fraud, thinking ‘I’ve not got Covid anymore, why am I still struggling?’ but meeting others and hearing their side – some of whom were a lot worse – made me feel more validated, that what I was going through was very real.
“The programme was really good because it showed you what you should be doing to look after yourself… you’re constantly exhausted, but there were tools you could learn to cope.
“Having had support before for my mental health, I knew this time it was so important to reach out early on, when I begun struggling.
“LFB and my Occupational Health team have been amazingly supportive throughout. I’m very luck I’ve got a fantastic Watch – they’ve been brilliant.”
Since then, Shelley has been able to return to work on a phased return. And, recognising the need to look after your wellbeing at work, she’s given the final push needed to introduce wellbeing dogs into LFB.
“People will be able to put in a request for the dogs and we’ll pay the Watch/department a visit,” she explains. “I’ve always been passionate about helping others but my own struggles with my mental health made me even more determined to do so. Nobody should struggle alone.
“Those 6 years or so ago, my Watch didn’t have a clue I was in a bad place, because I put up this front. There isn’t always warning signs, because if someone really doesn’t want you to see something, you’re not going to see it.
“I think, within the fire service, we can get so focused on the impact of traumatic incidents, that we lose sight of the fact that if things in your personal life aren’t going well, this can massively impact your mental health and wellbeing. Which in turn can make the trauma you face at work so much harder to deal with.”
Shelley now enjoys cold water swimming as a new hobby and says it’s helped her hugely with her post-Covid symptoms – while being back at work has been a huge step forward for her mental health too.
As part of the cold water swimming, which Shelley says helps her relax and clears her mind, she now also hosts a mental health swim every month to help others to open up and finding coping mechanisms in their own lives.
“When I was at my lowest, I’d never have thought I’d be where I am today, using my experience to help others. We’re trialling Wellbeing Dogs in LFB, I’m part of the national Peer Support Trauma Dog team, studying Psychological Trauma and I host a monthly mental health swim. I don’t want anyone to suffer alone,” says Shelley.
If you’re struggling with your health and wellbeing, we may be able to help you. Call our Support Line on 0800 389 8820, make an enquiry online or register for MyFFC now and visit the ‘Access Support’ tab at the top of the MyFFC homepage.
You can also join our ‘Share Your Story’ Group in MyFFC, by clicking on the ‘Groups’ tab, to chat to others who have received our support or enquire about sharing your own story.