Tips for reassuring conversations

Following the recent tragic firefighter fatalities in Bicester, children may become more aware of the dangers their parent faces in the line of duty – leading to increased anxiety and worry. Fire and rescue families commonly live with irregular schedules, sudden callouts, and the ongoing possibility of danger. This constant undercurrent of uncertainty can amplify children’s worries, especially after high-profile incidents.

News coverage of death can have a significant impact on children. It might be their first experience with loss, or it may resurface difficult feelings from a previous bereavement. If you are supporting a grieving child, you can call, email, or chat online with the Bereavement Support Team at Winston’s Wish for immediate support and guidance.

If children have already seen or heard the news, let them ask questions. Asking questions can help them process what is happening, but don’t feel like you should have all the answers. It’s okay to say, “I don’t know” or “let’s find out.” This helps you both learn and find the answers together. Letting children know they can ask more questions in the future is also important, this tells them that they can rely on the adults around them to provide the truth at a confusing time. Young children may ask the same questions repeatedly – not because they haven’t been listening, but because it helps them process and make sense of what’s happening.

Here are some evidence-based strategies parents can use to support their children through this difficult time:

Open, honest, and age-appropriate communication

  • Encourage the child to talk about their worries. Listen carefully, validate their feelings, and avoid dismissing their concerns. Let them • Encourage the child to talk about their worries. Listen carefully, validate their feelings, and avoid dismissing their concerns. Let them know it’s normal to feel anxious in response to distressing news.
  • Try to use language the child understands. For younger children, words like “worry” may be more accessible than “anxiety.” Help them label and express their feelings through words or drawings if that helps them feel able to express their emotions.
  • Provide only as much information as the child is seeking. Try not to overwhelm them with unnecessary details about the incident. Answer questions honestly but keep explanations age appropriate.

Reassurance and safety

  • Explain the safety procedures firefighters follow and the training they receive, emphasising the steps taken to minimise risk.
  • Reassure them that you – or their loved one – will do everything possible to stay safe, and that you’re always thinking about their wellbeing too.

Limit exposure to distressing news

  • If possible, consider shielding children from excessive media coverage or adult conversations about the incident. Over exposure can increase anxiety and lead to misunderstandings or unnecessary fears.
  • Children can also fill in gaps in information with their own thoughts, which may also heighten their emotions and cause stress. Consider monitoring and limiting their access to news stories, images, or social media discussions about the event and reassure them they can ask you about it instead if they want to talk or learn more about it.

Maintain routines and normality

  • Maintaining routines is especially important in firefighter families, where unpredictability is the norm. Family rituals and regular activities can help anchor children and provide a sense of stability. Keeping regular routines – like mealtimes, bedtime, and school – helps provide children with stability and a sense of security during uncertain times.
  • Extra support at bedtime may be necessary, as worries often intensify at night. Perhaps you can spend time together before bedtime and try some calming activities like reading or listening to music.

Model calm and coping skills

  • The stress experienced by those working in fire and rescue roles can affect the whole family, with children often picking up on the emotional tone after difficult shifts or traumatic incidents. Children tend to look to the adults around them for cues on how to respond. By staying calm and using healthy coping strategies openly, you can model resilience and help them feel more secure.
  • If you feel able to, teach and encourage coping skills such as deep breathing or mindfulness, this can positively impact the child’s own coping skills. The child will model their behaviour on yours, so it’s important to try and look after yourself and how you react outwardly at this time.

Winston’s Wish is the UK’s first childhood bereavement charity providing digital information, advice and support for children and young people (up to 25) after the death of someone important.

Children, young people and supporting adults can access free and confidential support from the Winston’s Wish bereavement support team by:

Support is available between 8am and 8pm weekdays (excluding bank holidays) and is available immediately, so no need for appointments or long wait times.

For more information and to start accessing support visit winstonswish.org